Post Xmas

Well, I survived it all.
The family Xmas was so much better for not being held On The Day. No kids feeling pulled between separated parents and grandparents. i think that it was made the difference. Everyone relaxed and happy, and everyone actually there for once. The family do is one that is always worse for me in anticipation, the actual occasion usually goes fairly painlessly - usually. There have been exceptions, and thankfully this year was not one.
The first of the orphan's christmases - the big one, On The Day, was among the best ever. Just old friends, good food, great wine (and plenty of it) and conversation on every topic under the sun. One of those days that reminds you why we have friends, and how treasured they become the longer we manage to keep them.
The second orphan's Christmas - well, it was always expected to be a bit trashier than the rest. Spent most of the day with a pregnant Jack Russell asleep on my lap - sweet. Didn't interfere with drinking or conversation or flirting. ( As if !)

So, now the end of the year is near - frighteningly close in fact. haven't started on my end of year retrospective, that's usually a New Years Day thing for me. Want to get tomorrow - last day of work for the year - out of the way before I allow myself to look at what has - and hasn't been, achieved.

On break before when a delivery van drove past

Sweeney Todd - Medical Waste Disposal.

Tickled my fancy that did.

The Big Week

Starts this weekend. Saturday the staff Christmas Party, always a big night, nice to see people you see scurrying around every day frowning and looking stressed relaxing and letting their hair down. Always an interesting evening for a watcher like me, and always a few instances (a few ??) of people relaxing just that little bit too much.
Sunday is the Family Christmas. Yep, a week earlier, but this way we get everyone together at one time. Christmas Day there is too much of kids being torn between which parent to spend the day with – two generations of split families. Messy.
Then two days off. RDO on Tuesday, and managed a day’s leave for Monday. Monday The Princess is coming round with cheap wine for our traditional Xmas trash-ourselves. Tuesday I suspect will be a quiet day recovering.
Work through to and including Christmas Eve – early start, but they usually let us off early.
Christmas Day – so-called “Orphan’s Xmas” at my oldest and dearest friend’s. Half a dozen or so old friends in similar situations to me, or who’s families are interstate or overseas. They have a great cellar and a swimming pool, and enough beds for those of us who won’t want to drive home.
Boxing Day, a delayed Orphan’s Xmas. Started out as a late BBQ on Xmas Day for "orphans" and those who just needed to relax with extended family after the strain of a day with the people we get lumbered with genetically.It's the Day After this year. Floating guest list, never quite sure who’ll turn up.This particular bachelor is looking forward to that – for all the wrong reasons I assure you !
And that, barring any surprises, is how my Xmas is shaping up.

Sunday 11 December – Cronulla Race Riots

There have been times I’ve found it difficult to say I was proud to be an Australian.
But I’ve never felt ashamed of it before.

A part of me wants to point out it was Sydney – SYDNEY NOT MELBOURNE – but it makes no difference. It is Australia, and I feel the legendary Aussie tolerance has proven to be just that, a fragile myth.

Jimmy Stewart
9% Tough, 14% Roguish, 57% Friendly, and 19% Charming!

You are the fun and friendly boy next door, the classic nice guy who still manages to get the girl most of the time. You're every nice girl's dreamboat, open and kind, nutty and charming, even a little mischievous at times, but always a real stand up guy. You're dependable and forthright, and women are drawn to your reliability, even as they're dazzled by your sense of adventure and fun. You try to be tough when you need to be, and will gladly stand up for any damsel in distress, but you'd rather catch a girl with a little bit of flair. Your leading ladies include Jean Arthur and Donna Reed, those sweet girl-next-door types.

Last weekend.

Friend’s birthday dinner. About 20 of us on the dinner cruise on the Yarra.

You want to know something – Don’t bother with it. Do the Dinner Tram instead.

The company was good though, and most of us wound up at the The Market Hotel later in the evening. Now about 20 something years ago the Market Hotel was a hotel, and I used to drink there. Then they pulled it down and turned it into what was for a while the hottest, state-of-the-art nightclub in town. Renamed it Three Faces. Now they call it The Market again. It hasn’t changed. I could have sworn it was the same crowd there as 20 years ago . . . . they just hadn’t aged. Unfortunately I have !
Somewhere around 5.00 am wandered down the road to crash at the birthday boy’s house.
Do you know how hard it is to have to share a bed with someone you fancy like crazy when you’ve just copped the “I only want to be friends” line. Even at 5.00 am and after rather a few too many drinks !

'puter blues #2

On-going saga; not the modem, as suspected, just a shortage of memory (do computers take after their owners like dogs do ?)
So last week, RDO, beautiful sunny day, decided to take the hour's walk to the recommended computer shop to pick up extra memory for my ailing computer.
Seriously nice day for a good walk, although the long steep hill at the end was a little unexpected. Fortunately I was going downhill, but the thought of climbing back up was a little daunting.
25 minute wait in line at the computer store. Lots of interesting looking boxes with all sorts of stuff I don't understand in them - exciting graphics on the boxes too that always seem to imply immense speed and excitement.
Finally get to one of the men at the desk, only to be told, ever-so-gently, that memory is no longer available. Perhaps a swap-meet . . . .Not what I wanted to hear.
I decided that hill was definitely too steep to be climbed. There is a railway station right next to the store . . . . hmm . . . dammitt, I'm feeling frustrated and there is money in my pocket and the city shops area only 20 minutes away.Train trips on previously undiscovered parts of the rail network are always interesting.
The city was a series of small accidents - namely 2 CDs and 2 DVDs.
I still have an ailing computer, but I sure benefited from a little retail therapy.

"Puter Blues

My computer has for the last few months been showing all the signs of terminal illness.Finally got a clue the other day, when it told me that something called RNApp was not responding. Apparently that is something in Windows that has something to do with the internet - which is what was actually dying, at increasingly shorter periods of time. A bit like drawing last breath really. When it got down to dumping me after 90seconds online, I figured it was time for action - radical surgery, or overdue euthenasia.To be honest I figured most of the problem was that Iwas still on ME - nice to use except notoriously unstable.
So, after asking around a bit I tracked down a copy of XP.
Nearly two hours to install it.Noticeable inprovement in general performance. So far so good.
Tried to log on to the Internet. Ninety minutes later established my Modem (yup, to make it worse I'm still on dial-up) is not compatible with XP.
Why did I bother I wonder?

A LOLLY TAG

The idea is to add a comment to the end after you've workled your way through.

If the sentence is bold=I agree

If it's plain = I disagree

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S
.034. I shave/wax my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have written my congressperson/MP.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate with fewer than ten people.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my friends list.
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good dancer. (for future reference when I say dancer, I mean stripper)
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months…
066. I have never been in a real relationship before.
067. I've rejected someone before.
068. has dissapeared!!
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
*070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least ten years older/younger
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have owned a minivan.
085. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
086. I have avoided work/school to play on LJ.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friends.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR.
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I had mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor. (not a bad one, just sick...)
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong girls, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything
138. I've done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.
140. I am a cuddler.
141. I love John Waters films.
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
144. One of my boobs is bigger than the other though not noticed by others.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I am abnormally obsessed with all things Buffy/Angel
147. I love comfort food.
148. I'm a right-winged conservative Christian, and proud of it.
149. I'm Catholic
150. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm going to die over.
151. I am a university student
152. I love/like to cook
153. I hate vacuuming with a passion.
154. I'm addicted to photography and picture frames.
155. I have performed in the Rocky Horror Picture show
156. I generally get along with my parents.
157. I like Shakespeare
158. I like to sing.
159. I'll take the Pepsi Challenge any day, and STILL pick Coke!
160. I have things that I want to say to people, but I won't/can't because I don't want to hurt/be hurt by them.
161. I'm not "mainstream" when it comes to religion.
162. I've counted down the days until the summer.
163. I've fulfilled someone's dare at a party or gathering.
164. I challenge people to duels, and when I do, I mean it.
165. I was pigeon-toed at one point in my life.
166. I love Digimon and wear goggles to school.
167. I have been to an anime convention.
168. I constantly have my head in the clouds daydreaming.
169. I like to roleplay.
170. I was in labor for 30 hours with no pain medication.
171. I own more than three items of vinyl clothing.
172. I read hardcore Christian Bible Tracts because I think they're funny.
173. I hate to drive.
174. I'm unemployed but would rather sit on my butt and play video games than look for a job.
175. I come from a southern, highly religious family and have chosen to keep a major part of my life secret from my family for now because I know they will disown me the day they find out.
176. I have a serious taste for older women--older, snarky, sarcastic women.
177. I had a happy childhood. for the most part.
178. I have an unhealthy obsession with certain child actors.
179. I am an only child.
180. I have more than five different lotions on my desk right now.
181. I have a more active online social life than IRL.
182. Sometimes, I actually like my job
183. I'm the youngest child.
184. I have had something I wrote/drew/photographed/etc. published.
185. I think the pro-life movement and the pro-choice movement both have their collective, respective heads up their arses.
186. I own an iPod.
187. I get a headache sometimes when I sleep really late.
188. I have a "LiveStrong" bracelet
189. I am currently wearing an article of clothing that belongs(ed) to someone else.
190. My life currently consists of work,school and sleep.
191. I should be sleeping right now…
192. someone i knew REALLY well has passed - away.
193. I honestly believe everyone has an inner Tellytubbie
194. I have fallen in love with someone who I thought was one person, and he/she turned out to be different from what I expected.
195. my life is so crazy and confusing right now that i feel that i just hafta go with the flow for awhile because otherwise i will regret something that i did or will do…
196. I have actually started off a story about something that happened to me with "One time at band camp..."
197. I own more than 10 pairs of shoes.
198. I have a hard time saying no to people
199. I own more than two cardigans.
200. i have gone swimming without a bathing suit/completly naked
201. I like to layer my clothing.
202. I pretend I have my shit together, when really I'm clueless.
203. It takes me years to tell a crush that I like them
204. I have an awesome last name.
205. I have been in a relationship that requires at least a paragraph of explanation before other people stop referring to it or viewing it inaccurately.
206. I like it that way.
207. The person I was five years ago probably wouldn't like the person I am now.
208. I am keeping a secret that could destroy someone's life.
209. I think steves car is cool, and it was a good buy.
210. I think people should worry less about hurting peoples feelings and what others will think, and just say what they really think/feel.
210. I believe there are exceptions to everything.
211. I'm praying for some kind of naked revolution
212 I 'm confused about life, and I like it that way.

Mel's 5X5 Tag
(She's done it again, and again I obediantly comply)

1. List your top 5 80's songs – Not my favourite period, but here goes . . .
Tina Turner – What’s Love Got To Do With It
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
Pointer Sisters – Slow Hand
Starship – We Built This City
John Farnham – Age of Reason

2. List your top 5 favourite scents

Coconut oil – makes me think of beaches on hot summer days
Freshly crushed coriander leaves – takes me straight to Thailand
Freshly bathed children – just makes me all warm and clucky
Bread baking
The smell of rain coming

3. List your top 5 holiday destinations

Puerto Galera, Philippines – white sand, clear water, bamboo huts and shooting stars.
Pangandaran, Indonesia – where else can you sit and watch the sun set over the ocean in the west at the same time as you watch a full moon rise over the ocean to the east
Honolulu, G&T’s under the banyan tree at sunset on the terrace of the Moana Surfrider Hotel
New York
Thailand – Jomtien, Pattaya, Chiang Mai, anywhere !

4. List your top 5 favourite nightclubs/pubs/haunts where you live.

The restaurant in the old Brighton baths, lunch on a weekday in winter.
The stalls bar in Her Majesty’s Theatre
Cubbyhouse, Moonee Ponds (cos I had a great time getting drunk there the other night with a bunch of work friends)
The little chinese restaurant in a lane off Little Collins Street, up a rickety staircase, about six tables, fabulous food, don’t know the name - in fact I’ve never been able to find out if it even has one.
The Exchange, Prahran – actually I almost hate the place, but I’ve been drinking there for twenty years or so, and just can’t imagine not going there

5. List your top 5 favourite drinks.

Cascade Premium Light Ale – I can drink it all night
Vodka and lime
French Champagne – on the rare occasions I can justify the expense
Single malt whisky – Glenlivet is the preferred one at the moment, but I’m only just beginning to delve into this new appreciation.
Coffee – anywhere, any time - just got to have it on a regular basis.

Birthday Eve

Tomorrow is my birthday. Long gone are the birthdays I looked forward to with eager anticipation as a child, when the thought of being a year older was something to be celebrated without question.

There’s a line in a song I love, “I’ve had enough birthdays” It just came to mind, and I thought no, I haven’t. I sure as hell am not ready to stop yet. But there was something appealing in the line still. Then I remembered the rest of it . . . .

I’ve washed enough evenings
I’ve dried enough mornings,
I’ve had enough birthdays to know what I want

Do I know what I want? Sometimes I think I do. I know what I dream about , the list is long, but what I really want? Security, companionship, good health. I can’t really complain, I’m doing pretty well on those.

So why do I go through this dread every year when another birthday comes along, after all, its just a number, a rather arbitrarily imposed definition of what I’m meant to be, or supposed to have achieved when I reach a certain point in my life. Hell, I’ve spent most of my adult life ignoring or fighting that, the Peter Pan syndrome if you like. Another line from another song from another show “My body’s clearing forty as my mind is nearing ten.” Problem is every now and then the body reminds you that you’re a long way past ten. And that brings in the fear of getting old, and that’s the fear of losing your health more than anything.
Then you start thinking about what you’ve been through, what you’ve seen and done, who you’ve loved, where you’ve been, how much more there still is to see and do and love, and you feel sort of pleased and grateful for it all. And that’s what another birthday is really about, looking back and looking forward, so it has to be a mix of happiness and sadness, anticipation and fear. It just comes a bit more into focus that one day of the year.

Catch-Up

Mel had words with me today about not having blogged for a while.
Words from a sleep-deprived Mel are not to be taken lightly.

I spent last week at work training new staff. I did a lot of training in this department a year or so back, and it was great to get back to it. There’s something very satisfying about training. It scared me at first – until I realised there was no way I could be half as scared as those poor new guys sitting there with no idea what they were about to be put through. “Put through” is exactly right for this last group too. The poor things got one week of training instead of the usual two, and were thrown onto the phones. Last day of training was the best. They had a couple of hours double-jacking, and I went around half an hour before they finished to tell them we expected they’d take a call before they finished. Within about ten minutes they all did. I was walking around feeling like the proudest dad on earth. That moment made the whole week worthwhile. Drinks afterwards was good too, nice to see them all relaxed.

It was an exhausting week. I also decided last week to start walking to walk again. If I’m taking that Thailand holiday next year this stomach has got to go before I show myself on any beach. Good timing huh – an hour’s walk to work then spend all day on your feet, then an hour’s walk home. Slept well though (don’t think I’m game enough to suggest Mel tries walking to work !)
The weekend break was good – Monday I chopped five minutes off the walk, and I’m not hobbling around the house at night like an eighty-five year old with rheumatoid arthritis any more.

Monday and Tuesday I was floor-walking for the new guys. That was pretty full-on, trying to juggle three or four things at once, and on my feet again all day. Made the day go mighty fast though. Today was time to let go, let the chicks fly the nest as it were. That’s always a bit hard, more-so when they’re such a good bunch. In some ways it was good to get back on the phones. Only in some ways mind you. Today too there was a really upsetting incident at work. I must say our team-leaders handled it really well, especially as they were affected as much as the rest of us.
Anything else form the last week or so? Good news from Steve who is winding up a seven-week jaunt through Europe and Asia – 11 of the 12 DVDs I put on the shopping list have been found. Of course I want him to come home NOW. Materialistic ? Me ???
Not much else I can think of at the moment

Catch-Up

Mel had words with me today about not having blogged for a while.
Words from a sleep-deprived Mel are not to be taken lightly.

I spent last week at work training new staff. I did a lot of training in this department a year or so back, and it was great to get back to it. There’s something very satisfying about training. It scared me at first – until I realised there was no way I could be half as scared as those poor new guys sitting there with no idea what they were about to be put through. “Put through” is exactly right for this last group too. The poor things got one week of training instead of the usual two, and were thrown onto the phones. Last day of training was the best. They had a couple of hours double-jacking, and I went around half an hour before they finished to tell them we expected they’d take a call before they finished. Within about ten minutes they all did. I was walking around feeling like the proudest dad on earth. That moment made the whole week worthwhile. Drinks afterwards was good too, nice to see them all relaxed.

It was an exhausting week. I also decided last week to start walking to walk again. If I’m taking that Thailand holiday next year this stomach has got to go before I show myself on any beach. Good timing huh – an hour’s walk to work then spend all day on your feet, then an hour’s walk home. Slept well though (don’t think I’m game enough to suggest Mel tries walking to work !)
The weekend break was good – Monday I chopped five minutes off the walk, and I’m not hobbling around the house at night like an eighty-five year old with rheumatoid arthritis any more.

Monday and Tuesday I was floor-walking for the new guys. That was pretty full-on, trying to juggle three or four things at once, and on my feet again all day. Made the day go mighty fast though. Today was time to let go, let the chicks fly the nest as it were. That’s always a bit hard, more-so when they’re such a good bunch. In some ways it was good to get back on the phones. Only in some ways mind you. Today too there was a really upsetting incident at work. I must say our team-leaders handled it really well, especially as they were affected as much as the rest of us.
Anything else form the last week or so? Good news from Steve who is winding up a seven-week jaunt through Europe and Asia – 11 of the 12 DVDs I put on the shopping list have been found. Of course I want him to come home NOW. Materialistic ? Me ???
Not much else I can think of at the moment

AN INDULGENT OBSESSION

In one of Mellie’s challenge lists I admitted I can shop for hours. I could have elaborated. I can shop for hours and not buy anything. My favourite place to shop in the world has got to be the Mahboonkron Centre in Bangkok, commonly and affectionately known as MBK. It may not be the best place to purchase much, but it’s a paradise for the inveterate shopper.
About this time last year I was at the chinese DVD store in MBK, on my last day in Thailand, trying to get rid of a few extra bath. I’d found the DVD I wanted (“Hero”) quite quickly for a change, and was working my way through the discount bins, just in case there was anything inexpensive and irresistible, when I found I couldn’t stop watching the movie they were playing. I’ve had a long-standing rule about shopping – if you pick the same thing up three times, you should buy it. I think I should add a variation, if you watch more than ten minutes of the movie playing in the store, you should buy it. Apart from the fact that I do really like the film, it gave me my current indulgent obsession.
One of the things I’ve found out about myself as I get older is that I can safely allow myself to enjoy a good, healthy obsession. I’m not talking about being obsessed with food, or a particular author. I’m talking about being obsessed with a particular person, you know, the guy who’s currently top of the Shag List, shameful or otherwise. And enjoy really is the right word for it. It has none of the wonderful anguish of a teenage crush, or the desperation of an impossible love affair. It can be somebody unreachable, like a movie star, or somebody as close as the guy who sits two desks away from you at work. There is a kind of purity about it, no expectation that it is going to lead anywhere, no expectation that this is the Great Love of Your Life, and it really serves no purpose other than to be simply enjoyed.
That film I bought was “House of Flying Daggers” and the actor who is the object of my obsession is Takeshi Kaneshiro’ He’s been mentioned in here before. I didn’t see him in any of the bits of the film I saw in Bangkok. It wasn’t until I got home and watched the whole film that I made the almost calculated decision that this man was one I wanted to see as much of as I can.
It’s not been easy to find out much more than basic biographical info about him. He’s half Taiwanese, half Japanese, has worked as a model and released one (apparently not great ) pop album, speaks four languages fluently (including English – a bonus there !) and appeared in a couple of dozen Chinese and Japanese movies. That he appears not to be romantically involved with anyone is another bonus in the obsession stakes.
He started out making a name for himself playing quirky characters, the man obsessed with the expiry dates on tins of pineapple in “Chunking Express”, the same character looking for love in “Fallen Angels”, an actual angel with an obsession for sneakers who falls to earth with a broken wing in “Lavender” or the man running a business to find things people have lost in Lost and Found.. He moved on to a few films as the romantic lead, still a bit off-beat, like “Anna Magdalena” as part of a classic love-triangle, and half the pair of lovers who keep just missing each other in “Turn Left, Turn Right.” There’s a definite boyish appeal in all those films, a feeling that he’s a little bit lost in a world he doesn’t really understand, a vulnerability certainly, but a sense that he’s a survivor as well. There’s an openness in his performances too, he seems to have no fear of exposing himself to the camera.
He made one sci-fi action film, not very well received, then suddenly seemed to turn a corner, starring in his first martial-arts film. In “House of Flying Daggers” he starts out still with the boyish charm, but in a grown man, a womaniser, at ease and in control of the hedonistic life-style he’s chosen, only to realise the emptiness of that as he falls in love with the woman even he realises means the end of the life he has known, and ultimately the end of his life as he fights with his best friend over the woman they both love. It’s a fine performance.

None of that of course really explains why I decided to become make him the object of my obsession. Maybe you just need to see some of his films.

He’s just finished another film. They’re saying it’s the Hong Kong film industry’s answer to “Moulin Rouge.” Now that should be interesting.

Chain Saw

Today I conquered my fear of the chainsaw!

Feeling quite chuffed with myself.

Saturday at work

Saturday and a 7.00am start at work. Forty minutes on the phones now and just had my second call. Already answered my e-mails, there is some crappy adolescent ninja thing on the nearest TV and I can’t find a remote to change it. There is no-one sitting near me this morning, and I ‘m too much of a stick-in-the-mud to move desks. In other words, no win situation – complain like crazy when we’re busy, and moan about being bored when it’s quiet. OK, got all that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

The week

Highlights ? Job interview I guess, hate them, stomach churns before, palms get sweaty, the usual nervous stuff. I got through it alright I guess, the nerves disappeared as soon as I got to talking about my favourite topic (as if you can’t guess).

Split week, and I do hate them. Thursday, my day off, I took that out on my hapless garden, two trees to be precise. Well, they had made the stupid decision to grow in the wrong place and on top of that to try and push the fence over. They had to go. Simple. You know how people joke about what happens when you let a guy loose in the garden with a pair of pruning shears. Nothing compared to me with a saw.
Those trees are gone. And I did it with a hand-saw. I bought a hain saw about two years ago . . . . got as far as putting it together on Thursday, but I still haven’t screwed up the courage to actually use it. Terrifies me ! You can call me a coward all you like, and no it doesn’t have to do with visions of Christian Bale chasing that girl or Chainsaw Massacre (I haven’t seen 1 or 2) I just feel I want to keep all my fingers and toes. Just realised, Christian Bale didn’t rate a mention on any of those lists. He should have, but I think I felt it was a bit obvious to put Batman on there. Thinking about that chainsaw sccene of his in American Psycho. Wonder if that scene is meant to be a clue that all may not be what it appears in that film. Must check back, that chainsaw should have switched off as soon as he let go the handles. Can’t remember if he tied anything on it to keep it going. And of course, the likelihood it would have landed just right . . . . . ?

Oh, situation at work not so bad. Got very busy for quite a while, then Shaz turned up after all so I haven’t been alone. And its gone quiet again. Had a bit of a chat with her about dog-food . . . . Had a bit if a fight with one of the techs – arrogant, condescending bastard. I was right of course. Just had my last break and on the home stretch. Home to finish off the last few chapters of Robertson Davies’ “Salterton Trilogy” – decided to re-read his complete works, all three (or is it four) trilogies anyway. Just a whim. Maybe watch a film. Tomorrow is lunch with my oldest friend, and another friend we went to Uni with all those years ago. Glad I have Monday off work. It will be a boozy day.

ANOTHER MELLY FELINE CHALLENGE LIST

Five things I plan to do before I die.

1. Have an affair in Paris
2. Retire, gracefully of course, to Thailand
3. read Proust’s “Remembrance of Things Past”
4. jump out of a plane – parachute attached and working please
5. Finish the renovations on my house

Five things I can do.

1.Shop for hours
2.Be quiet
3.tie a bow-tie
4.cook
5.Fill in lists when Mel challenges me to.

Five things I cannot do.

1. Sing
2. Drink anyone I know under the table
3. Wait patiently.
4. Make meringues.
5. Abide smugness or hypocrisy.

Five things that attract me to the opposite sex.

1. Sense of humour
2. Smile (preferably crooked)
3. eyes
4. Honesty
5. equanimity

Five things I say most often

1. F%#k.
2. Actually . . .
3. Ohhh no!
4. How’s things
5. gesundheit

Five celebrity crushes (another shag list !)

1. Matthew McConoughey
2. Brad Pitt
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Paul Walker
5. Gary Cooper

Five people I want to do this next

1. Lolly
2- 5 Melly already got to them !

Shameful Blogs #2

The previous list was the not-so-obvious ones. I figure I might as well put down the ones from the more obvious list that I’d tried to avoid before. No shame attached to any of these !!

Gael Garcia Bernal
(dot the I ; Motorcycle Diaries ; Bad Education )
He’s my height, which means he’s short. Good start. Has a definite cheeky boyish charm. Sometimes he’s sort of funny looking, there’s something about his snub nose, but then he’ll turn those big baby-browns to the camera and that slightly crooked smile crinkles all the way up around his eyes and its meltdown time. . . . Oh yeah, he’s a good actor too.

Orlando Bloom
Certainly noticed him in LotR. How could you not. I have chosen to ignore that awful boxing thing (Calcium Kid). It’s Pirates of the Caribbean that really won me, despite the very strong competition indeed from Mr Depp. Lean, great bone-structure, that accent, the eyes . . . .So far I haven’t really noticed if he can act

Jake Gyllenhaal
How can anyone turn from dorky, scary weirdo in Donny Darko into being acclaimed as one of the sexiest actors in Hollywood. Helps he is such a good actor – even in that rather crappy but thoroughly enjoyable Day after Tomorrow, and let’s face it that was his ticket to the big-time. His newest Film seems to be generating the sort of good publicity you can’t pay for and it doesn’t even get general release until December. This boy looks like he’s on a roll right to the top. And is he one of the sexiest actors in Hollywood? Oh yeah.

Brad Pitt
What do you say about this man? I would pin-point his prime to “And A River runs Through It” – sort of his James Dean film. Or maybe Fight Club. . . . Why not both, the boy in one, the man in the other? Yeah, I’ll go with that

Chris Evans
Could be on his way to being the new No.1 Hollywood pin-up boy. You might remember him in “Not Another American Teen Movie” – just think whipped cream and weenies – but if you’ve caught up with “Cellular” then you’ll know why he’s on the list. The lad is only something like 22. Haven’t seen Famous (or is it Fabulous) Four yet, and he’s got a few more films waiting for release. Can't wait.

Melly’s challenge

Five Shameful Shags

Try as I may, I have only been able to come up with four, and to be honest, there’s only one I feel even faintly embarrassed about admitting to, the others just need some explanation. So, here goes, in no particular order.

Judi Dench.
Yep, I bet everyone who happens to read this will immediately picture her as Queen Elizabeth. The thing is, that’s not how I see her. I still see the elfin-faced, trim figured, young actress with the distinctive voice and the amazing presence who was the leading lady with the Royal Shakespeare Company way back when I was 17. I instantly found myself with a teenage crush that has not diminished over the years. I met her once – and I use the word met very lightly indeed – a decade or more later, in London. I was walking up Hampstead High Street, and a small, rather stout lady bustled out of a shop and banged straight into me. It was her, and exhibiting every symptom of that teenage crush, I blushed, stammered, muttered something utterly incoherent, and hurried off, totally blowing the opportunity of actually talking to her.

Stephen Fry
He’s very tall, and I don’t go for tall men. He’s also not thin, and I like my men on the lean side. So why? Wit, intelligence and talent.

Jon Bon Jovi
Whoa, hold on, where are we going here? Judy Dench and Stephen Fry to Jon Bon Jovi? OK, this one is purely physical. It takes a bit to get past the hair, a lot to get past the hair, but he’s got a good face, a twinkle in the eyes, nice body (great chest) and the particular combination of light brown to fair hair and hairy chest that gets me every time. But still – Jon Bon Jovi ! My grown-up niece is embarrassed to admit she had his poster on her wall when she was seven !

Ian Wright
You know, the little pommie guy on “Lonely Planet” with the bad teeth and the appalling accent who keeps dropping his dacks and cracking bad jokes and gets plastered in almost every episode he’s on. He tells a good story though, and he knows he’s cracking bad jokes which kinda makes you laugh with him.


My week
More like my fortnight,it’s been a while since I blogged last.
It’s been pretty normal, hating work (except for the two days Mel sits next to me of course) wishing I was rich and dreaming of lazing on a beach in Thailand.
Mel lent me Season One of “The Sopranos” which I hadn’t seen, and that has been my viewing all week. I can’t wait to get hold of the next season, but I think I should take a bit of a break. I am in awe of James Gandolfini’s performance as Tony Soprano.
Have to admit to finding the whole business with his mother in some ways was a bit close to the bone. Not that I am suggesting my mother ever showed signs of trying to have me bumped off, but the whole thing about putting her into the home was just so accurate. I watched the last three episodes in one go today, definitely need a little time to absorb it all properly.

BARNEY














Barney came into my life eight years ago. I had moved from Northcote to Richmond with my two dogs, Blanche and Buddy, who quickly discovered an escape route under the house and out into next-door’s drive-way and were off and away. Blanche came back, but I never found Buddy, and Blanche was missing him, so after a decent interval, off I went in search of a new playmate.
A visit to the dog-home is ultimately distressing, so many pups that need a new home you can never imagine there would be enough people wanting to provide. It is hard to be practical. That gorgeous little puppy that will grow to be the size of a small horse is not going to be suitable for a smallish inner-suburban back yard. Row after row of dogs just wanting to be loved, and in the last cage of the last row, a small, fully grown, tan and white whippet-cross, who stood up, cocked his head to one side, took a long look at me and seemed to decide he was going home with me. He won.
Blanche adored him and promptly elected to take bottom rung on the new pecking order. Barney seemed rather more ambivalent about her, she was fun to play with, but if I was around, well, it was just all about me. Blanche died three years later, at home. Barney was there, and he knew something was going on, he stayed close, and when she’d gone had a long sniff around her, registered in whatever way it is a dog does that she was gone, and that was that.
He never showed any signs of pining for her. It’s like her passing released his independence. Or maybe I just noticed it in him more. It was a relief I must admit, I really wanted to get out of the two-dog thing. We moved again within a year, my own house this time. “His” backyard (but I’m always welcome to join him), “his” two chairs, even “his” bedroom, which he graciously gives over to guests.
He’s getting older now, but still each day I am that little bit more grateful that I have him in my life. He is my sanity, my sounding-board, my chastener, and a constant source of amusement and fun and affection.

Some of the things I love most about him;

· The huge welcome I get every time I come home, be it 5 minutes or 5 weeks, no matter, it always seems like it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened in his life.
· Rough-housing on the floor (me being a kid again)
· How he treats his evening snack of dry food. As if he has to establish for sure it is not alive, one of the larger pieces is carefully pulled out of the bowl, tossed in the air, pounced on, thrown around, pounced on again, then left while the same routine is performed on another piece. Then if the first piece hasn’t moved, it’s safe to be eaten.
· How he has decided that it is his duty as host to sleep in the same bed as our guests.
· The absolute and complete trust he has in me.
· How when things get just too exciting he will chase his tail in precisely three clockwise circles, no more, no less.
· How he listens with total concentration when I am talking to him, never answers back or offers unwanted criticism, and never repeats any of it. God – if he did or could spill the dirt. . . .The things he alone knows!!!
· How when I’m getting ready for work in the morning he takes himself out to his kennel as soon as he hears me cleaning my teeth.
· How he works the room when friends are around, and somehow seems to know just which one will absent-mindedly respond to him leaning gently against their leg and start scratching his ear.
· His marked preference – in total contrast to his dad – for big men – the taller and more solid the better.
· How he knows when I want or need him to sleep on my bed for a change, and when he does, after the few circles to get comfortable, the deep sigh as he seems to settle deep into the bedclothes and then doesn’t budge till morning.

10 Pet Peeves
1 Hypocrisy
2 People that insist on walking three or four abreast on narrow footpaths
3 Boom boxes in cars at full volume at 3.00am . . . . actually at anytime! What ever makes some people think everyone wants to hear their music?
4 Arrogance (invariably unjustified)
5 Too much perfume (or aftershave) – makes me sneeze
6 People who believe the responsibility is always somebody else’s
7 Carrying “Politically Correct” to ridiculous extremes
8 Out-of-control kids in public spaces – especially supermarkets
9 Obnoxious drunks
10 Sleazebags

10 Things That Rock
1 Barney, for his unconditional love and devotion, beautiful brown eyes and the way he wags his tail round in circles every time I come home.
2 Spring
3 Thunderstorms (so tomorrow should be a good day !)
4The first cup of coffee each day
5 Finally being able to come home to my own house every day (So the bank owns more of it than I do? So what!)
6 Music
7 Movies
8 the Theatre – bless it and long may it survive
9 Books
10 Getting off a plane in a new city

This is kind of the Blog I have to do when I really don’t know what I want to blog about. I keep stirring the guys around me at work – here in Blog Central – that they’re getting slack, neglecting their Blog Duties. If I don’t keep my end up they’ll turn on me for sure – and deservedly so.

So . . . . well, the weather’s been really good. Frustratingly good in fact. Combined with unusually late starts (for me) I’ve been walking to work. Takes me an hour which makes it a good worthwhile walk. Nice at this time of year too, can have a good comparatively leisurely sticky-beak at everybody’s gardens as I walk past. Nothing sinister there, just always on the lookout for ideas for my neglected garden. I admit I dream far more about my garden than doing anything about it, but soon !
Yeah, soon.
Right now of course everything is starting to grow. I think perhaps the loveliest thing at the moment is the new leaves on the rose bushes. Just love the way they look so new and clean and green with their reddish-brown edges. That’s going to be about the end of me waxing lyrical.

Just went out for a cigarette. Guy down there I’ve sort of liked the look of for a while.
He has a beard, and I usually don’t much care for that. He’s shaved it off. Pity. He needs the beard. Another little obsession gone.

Forty minutes to go before home time, and things have got so quiet in here it’s going to drag. Got to start writing out a job app when I get home, internal job, still not 100% decided if the time is right for me to leave this company. Apparently a few people going for it. We’ll see. There’s a bit of a flurry of people applying for new positions here – guess its just the first round of new positions after the end of the Financial year.

Getting close to home time. People round me getting silly and its catching. That’s not a complaint, not at this time of day. This is probably my worst blog to-date. Not particularly fussed by that, but going to leave it at that.

I’m just not a winter person. I’ve known that since childhood. I love the sun, and leaves on the trees, and the soft feel of the wind in spring and summer. I love being outside, doesn’t matter if it’s a clear blue sky with a blazing sun or a sky that’s black with a tropical storm, and maybe best of all a night sky with more stars than you thought there could ever be.
Not that I used to mind winter all that much, not as a child. I guess then you figure it’ll pass, that’s if you think about it at all. When you’re a kid you tend to take what’s there and just run with it. Somewhere along the line, when so much of the child has left forever and the responsibility of adulthood has you firmly in its grasp, you find you have to think about things more. And when that started happening to me,, then winter started to get to me, and each one was just a bit harder to get through than the last.
It got to the point my friends would joke about it, well, make it sound like they were joking, around late May “Guess we won’t be seeing or hearing from you for the next few months.” I’d just go into a kind of light hibernation, still functioning, but really at the lowest level necessary, go to work, do the shopping on the way home, then lock myself away from the world and the cold until I had to go to work the next day. They’re good friends, they’ve always been there waiting patiently till spring rolls round. Don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve that.
Well, last Sunday I realised it was the last weekend of winter, and what a weekend it was. I worked the Saturday, but both days were sunny and warm, the nights were almost balmy, the grass is green and the trees are in bud or blossom. The world is coming alive again, and I realised not just that I’d survived another winter, but that I hadn’t spent it all hiding away. I’d actually kept in touch with my friends – more than that, I’d seen them, I’d gone out, got drunk with them, dragged myself through the rain to go to the theatre, or the cold to go to dinner.
Part of it I know is finding out that I was not the only one to get depressed in winter, and there is even a name for it. What’s more, there are simple ways to deal with it, and they work. I was feeling really good about things for a while there on Sunday.
Monday I crashed. Low, real low. A lot of reasons why, I know them all and usually I can manage them. I just haven’t quite figured out what the trigger was that let it all get to me this time. It just wasn’t winter for once.
Work didn’t help. It wouldn’t. It is after all one of the depressing aspects of my life. But usually the people there get me over that – or though it. Problem is that after months at the same desks we’ve all been moved. Of the six seats at my station two are empty, two are part-timers, and the last one usually starts half-way through my shift. I am in other words, pretty much on my own most of the day, and that’s not what you need when you’re down in the dumps and could do with a little cheering up, or at least some distraction to stop the brooding.
And this is where we finally get to the whole point of this. How ridiculously easy it is for something – or someone – to drag you back up when you’re feeling down.

Thank God for M.

Firstly because you were there, and since you went part-time we haven’t really seen that much of each other. We’ve never really socialised, and for a long time now we’ve been seated apart at work. Having you nearby again has meant I’m discovering you all over, and I’m really liking that. Liking little things that have a huge effect, like finding out you like films I do that no-else cares for. Most importantly this week you put me onto reading something, something very personal and very raw, something I got totally hooked on and have spent most of the last two days reading. Something that took me totally away from what was getting me down. It sounds a bit cliched, but something that gave me a new perspective.
Now I don’t know if you knew just what you were doing. I wouldn’t be surprised. You’re pretty perceptive. But if you did know or if you didn’t, thanks anyway. Thanks for the gift, and thanks for being you. Thanks for dragging me by the bootstraps out of the downer I was in. And if you’re feeling embarrassed reading this . . . . Tough. No apologies.
See you next week.

Just some of my favourites;

Movies (as opposed to Films)
Gone With The Wind
The Wizard Of Oz
The Princess Bride
Cabaret

Favourite Singers
Nancy LaMott –I was lucky enough to see her in a benefit concert in New York months before she died, too young at 43. A warm, rich voice, and impeccable phrasing, there’s not a track she recorded that isn’t a joy to listen to.
Michael Ball – doesn’t always show the best taste in his choice of song, and definitely no taste in clothes, but if you could make love to a voice, his would be the one.
Mario Frangoulis – Greek/Italian classical cross-over who actually knows how to sing a popular song. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a bit of a hunk to boot.
Rosemary Clooney – the late and great, just sang ‘em straight and clear, no frills. My Dad’s favourite singer, and I finally cried for losing him when I saw her in concert in San Francisco and she unexpectedly sang his favourite song.

Foreign Films
All About My Mother (Spanish)
House Of Flying Daggers (Chinese)
City Of Lost Children (French) (thanks NN)
Tears of the Black Tiger (Thai)
Suryathai (Thai)


This Year’s Best Films
Latter Days
dot the i
Mr & Mrs Smith
Kung Fu Hustle

Musicals
A Little Night Music
The Secret Garden
Most Happy Fella
Cabaret
Nine

Drinks
Beer – Cascade
Scotch, single malt
Vodka (straight or martini)
Muscat (so very much better than port)

Actors (foreign)
Gael Garcia Bernal ( Bad Education, Motorcycle Diaries, dot the i)
Takeshi Kaneshira (Fallen Angels, Anna Magdalena, House of Flying Daggers)
Rodrigo Santoro (Carandiru, Love Actually)
Jesadaporn Pholdee (Dan Brierly, Iron Ladies)

Unforgettable Stage performances
Diana Rigg, Night and Day, London 1979
· A combination of skill and presence, completely dominating an otherwise forgettable play. She spent most of the play reclining upstage idly flipping through a magazine, yet somehow you looked at her a split second before she said a line, then your focus went back to the other actors.
Judi Dench, Kiss of the Gorgon, London
· Sheer unadulterated talent, based on a technique so solid I don’t think she can put a foot wrong. A difficult play, three time-frames simultaneously on stage, with Dame Judi’s character in all three at once, yet her performance never left you in any doubt where you were in the play and what was going on. Emotionally shattering at the end.
Glenn Close, Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles
· Brave, beautifully judged performance, on the brink of being over the top all the way, totally sympathetic frightening display of the decent into murder and madness.
Matthew Broderick, How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, New York
· Another almost over the top performance, beautifully based physically, the whole thing done on the balls of his toes, slightly hunched shoulders, always looking for, and grabbing any opportunity, turning a potentially unlikeable character into a charming rogue. Coincidentally co-starring as his on-stage romance, his off-stage partner Sarah Jessica Parker.
Zoe Caldwell, Masterclass, New York
· A performance that did go over the top, but only when the character would have done. The closest I can ever get to seeing Maria Callas live, but it was an evocation, not a recreation. Funny, sad, selfish, spiteful, tactless, and so very tragically alone.
Marlene Dietrich, in concert, Melbourne
· There wasn’t a look, a phrase or a gesture that wasn’t precisely planned and inalterable, not an audience reaction that could have been anything but what she intended, but something magical happened every time she did whatever it was she was doing. If ever a goddess walked on this earth . . . .

Food
Almost anything Thai
Avocado
Almost anything Chinese
Sticky Date Pudding with caramel sauce.

Places to visit
New York
My best friend’s house

Holiday destination
Jomtien Beach, Thailand
· A broad sweep of beach, deck-chairs and umbrellas. With wonderfully wicked Pattaya only10 minutes and half a world away.
Puerto Galera, Philippines
· White sand, coconut plantations, more stars in the sky than I ever thought could exist, and bamboo huts right on the beach for about $10.00 a night, waking up to kids splashing in the waves 5 metres away, chickens scratching under the floor, and nothing to do all day but eat, drink and laze around. Bliss, sheer bliss.
Waikiki, Honolulu
· Paradise. Perfect climate, stunning beach, great bars, and shopping, shopping, shopping, all that American materialism can offer.

Kismet ?

I had last week off work. Planned. Nothing major to be done, basically just R & R. Part of the second R was meant to be enjoying the four DVDs I’d ordered online – two from Canada, two from Hong Kong. Orders placed after carefully working out timings based on past experience, so they should arrive during my week off.

The best-laid plans of course tend to fall in a heap. Not one of them arrived. That was OK. I dealt with it. I just raided the local DVD hire instead, and discovered one of my fave new actors Gael Garcia Bernal has a new movie out – his first English language film. Definite compensation. (The film is called “dot the i” and worth watching.)

So, back to work Monday. You’re expecting I’m going to say the DVDs were waiting when I got home, right? Wrong. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
Tuesday, rostered day off, 10.30 AM, knock on the door. Curiously the dog doesn’t bark, just wags his tail. It’s the postman, with three parcels for me. Yep, all the DVDs, all on my day off. Not surprisingly didn’t get too far away from the TV yesterday.

Nice and neat right?
What’s really curious is that Tuesday wasn’t meant to be my RDO. I swapped it late on Monday with one of the kids at work so she could make a doctor’s appointment on Thursday.

So was it meant to be? Kismet? Fate? The Gods smiling reward on a minor good deed?
If I believed in that I’d probably say it was.
Happy coincidence more like it. I think the word I want is serendipitous. Sounds good anyway.

"So here i am - my heart breaking . . . forced to glitter, forced to be gay."

Now I'd love to offer a prize to the first person who can identify the quoted lyric (just the show it's from would be enough) – Maybe I should, I’m pretty confident no-one who reads this is likely to recognise it.

Yeah, I’m back at work after my week off, in a new desk, Blog Central from the looks of it, Slim, Lollie, Mel and myself all in a bit of a bunch. Not that it will affect the amount of work done of course!

New desk means new computer, and just now realised all the old training stuff, emails etc, has stayed on my old computer. I’m seriously wondering if I want to retrieve it or not, and thereby hangs a long and sorry tale that I’m just not getting into (not yet)

But, nice to see the guys here, catch up on a bit of goss (and the best goss I can’t put in here, goddammitt.).

The week off was good, relaxing, only one seriously drunken episode (already noted), lots of movies watched, two or three books read, dog spoiled absolutely rotten with walks and attention - even got some gardening done (in between rain) and redesigned my new kitchen – twice. That makes I think 7 major variations to date. The bathroom only sits at about 5 plans – its falling behind.

Even managed to take myself out to the theatre – Judi Connelli in “Sunset Boulevard”. Not bad really, she would have benefited from a couple of weeks more rehearsal, but she sure sang the guts out of it. David Campbell stole it though – kind of nice to see the focus shift back to the Joe Gillis character, more like the film.

And now I’m back, taking the same calls, fixing the same mistakes other people have made, hearing the same lame jokes from the techs . . . . haven’t actually been abused yet. That’s something. (Did get told by a contractor that I had upset her a few weeks back – I intended too, she’d been rude and I told her. Tough if she didn’t like it. Now she’s angling for an apology as I “must be in a better mood after my time off” – boy has she got a few things to learn.)

I guess one week off, nice as it was, just ain’t enough.

Monday 10.00pm
OK, I'm on holidays and you gotta love that. I admit, Melbourne in August ain't the most inspiring place to spend a week off work - it's the coldest month, and the second wettest, but it's time away from the daily grind, and it means I can go and visit friends on Sunday and Monday and drink, and that's just what I've been doing.
Yesterday was a visit to Steve, just round the corner, to try and help him set up his new computer so he can pirate DVD's. Got most of the way, but he needs some software I can lend him, and that gave me leverage to borrow a couple of his DVD's that he wasn't quite ready to let go just yet. He has this thing about watching a film he likes about five times in a row - don't understand that sort of compulsive excessive overdose myself, but hey, if he gets his jollies that way, who's to criticise.
I had my Sunday night all planned - well, an hour of it anyway watching a doco on the history of the American musical on ABC. I'm passionate enough about that particular subject to give up a whole night to one hour of TV, even on holiday time. So, getting close to time to go home and settle in front of the TV when Mel arrives. Now, this is not Melly Feline, this is Maltese Mel, the non-stop talker with the second most perfect pair of breasts I know of. Some of you I know will be wondering what the hell I'm doing mentioning the fact that someone has beautiful breasts, but, voyeuristic tendencies maybe, I like to look, I can even admire . . . . I just don't have any great desire to do anything with them. And in case you're wondering who I think has the most beautiful, well, my lips must remain sealed.
Anyway, Maltese Mel arrived - apart from the physical assets, and the fact that she has a wide variety of good-looking cousins and brothers, Mel is a non-stop talker, and one of those people who while she is a joy to be with, is quite exhausting. On top of that she does not like to take no for an answer.
Mel wanted me to go to some bar in Northcote - NORTHCOTE !!! She finally got the message that:
a/ Persons of my age and persuasion do not willingly go out without at least four hours to get ready.(We may not look any better at the end of the four hours, but we feel we do.)
and
b/ She was up against that show on the ABC that I had been waiting to see for about 18 months..

I won, didn't go out drinking, watched my show, and was ready for more serious drinking today, Monday.
Today I hopped on a train, and headed deep south to Brighton, where my oldest and dearest friend lives with his partner of 26 years. Now I reckon 26 years is a damned good effort by any standards, and they turn on good food and damned good wine, so lunch didn't finish till about 8.30 pm.
We talked and drank, and talked some more, watched bits from favourite DVDs and drank a bit more, and talked about what we'd just watched while we had another glass of wine, and sang along to a few songs then had to have another wine or two. Somehow I have managed to catch the train home, and even more surprisingly I seem to be able to be typing reasonably cohesively (and using big words like cohesively - and even spelling it the same way twice !!! )
No doubt I shall be spending tomorrow recovering from today's excessive drinking.
But isn't that what a holiday is for !

Been neglecting this a bit lately. Guess it's been a bit of a busy week.Stupid day on Thurday last. Slept in - not really my fault, the power went off during the night and so neither alarm went off. Yeah, I have two, one I can reach over and belt the shit out of so I can snooze, the other one beeps annoyingly, the dog hates it and will come in and bark at it after about thirty seconds, and I can't reach it without getting out of bed, so normally I cannot sleep in.
So woke up and the alarm is flashing 12.50 at me. Took a few momets to realise it was flashing, and that meant I hadn't necessarily woken up in the middle of the night.
Turned the light on, grabbed the watch, Oh shit, gotta be out of here in 15 minutes.Stuff shaving, washed quickly, fed the dog, dressed, brushed teeth, put the dog out- shit, its raining - race to the car, bending down to keep rain off the glasses and avoid wet branches I've been meaning to cut back for weeks, open the door - ouch, slam the door hard into my head !
Bleeding - great ! Inside, cold washcloth, stop the bleeding, good, bit of a lump forming, never mind, gotta get to work.
Get there on time, just. Log in, explain to Rob what a clumsy idiot I've been - God bless him, he's concerned. Don't quite understand why. Stand up to go get the first print-outs. Oh, feel a bit wobbly there. Must have stood up too quickly. Make it to the printer, back to my desk, work a bit, gotta get up again. Feeling wobblier. Why I wonder ? Sure I have a bump on my head, but it's not hurting. An hour later find myself still wobbly, feeling strange, staring at the computer. I know I know how to do this, but just can't quite seem to remember. Figure maybe I should not be here . . . . Rob won't let me walk down the stairs. Good thinking.
Go home, feeling really stupid.Turn the TV on, daytime TV is so mindless it won't matter if I can't concentrate. Gotta do something, I seem to remember something about not going to sleep after a bang on the head . . . . hey, TV's gone off. Light's off too . . . No power. Again. And it's cold - no it's freezing in here.Wind up wrapped up in a blanket to keep warm, can't concentrate to read. Dog has snuggled up with me on the couch,very cosy but I shouldn't fall asleep, should I ? No music cos there's no power, no heater, no electric jug so no coffee. Why do I have an all-electric house ??? Should I go out and boil water on the BBQ? No, it's raining, remember. Oh, and the gas bottle's empty anyway.
45 minutes later all is well, power is on. Great start to the day.

Split Weeks and Monday Mornings

The one-day weekend sucks. Obviously you're not really in the mood to spend the whole day doing all those domestic things that really need to be done, and spending the day indulging yourself is much more appealing, (not to mention essential to one's well-being) so I didn't do the washing or the vacuuming, I didn't mow the lawns, and I most certainly didn't weed the garden.
I did watch a movie, took the dog for a long walk in the sun (beautiful day), and generally lazed around. (I did do the dishes - that one I can't ignore.)
The result ? While I am feeling quite rested, and I'm actually not in my usual Monday bad-mood, there is a nagging feeling of guilt that I didn't do any of those tasks on the "weekend." Also there is the fear that I just may run out of clean socks. The guilt I'm used to, instilled in me at an early age, it is a permanent part of my life. It just doesn't feel right if I'm not feeling guilty, and there doesn' t have to be anything to attach that guilt to. Such is the lot of the gay son of a jewish mother.
The socks however is a very real fear. Irrational, and easily resolved, but having something like that to worry about is much better than worrying about the big things - like how do I pay the phone bill and put petrol in the car this week. . . .

Lights are bright,
Pianos making music all the night,
And they pour champagne
Just like it was rain.
Its a sight to see,
But I wonder what became of me.

Crowds go by,
That merry-making laughter in their eyes,
And the laughter's fine
But I wonder what became of mine.

Life's sweet as honey,
And yet its funny,
I get a feeling that I can't analyse.
It's like, well maybe,
Like when a baby
Sees a bubble burst before its eyes.

Oh I've had my flings,
I've been around and seen most everything.
But I can't be gay,
For along the way
Something went astray,
And I can't explain,
Its the same champagne,
Its a sight to see,
But I wonder what became of me.

lyric by E."Yip" Harburg

That's the song I was thinking of when I named this. Guess I wasn't thinking too clearly cos I didn't exactly quote it very accurately.
There was going to be a sub-title too - along the lines of "Or - How Did I Wind Up In A Call-Centre?"
How indeed. This was meant to be a fill-in job, just to keep me fed, clothed and sheltered until I found a "real" job.That was 6 1/2 years ago. Sad really, for quite a while there this was possibly the best job I'd ever had, interesting, exciting new company, treated you well, and an amazingly great bunch of people to work with.Some of the people are still great........ 'Nuff said.

First post and I know I picked a bit of a depressing title for the page (I had to think fast) but I didn't (don't) intend this to be depressing, but as things turn out the first thing that's come up that I feel like mentioning is someting that's just happend and makes me feel a bit sad. (And yeah, I know, I write long sentences, there'll be worse ones comng I'm sure.)
One of my best friends is one of the things that keeps me sane. I guess that's one of the things best friends do. His emails throughout the day at work keep me going . Getting drunk together far too quickly on white wine while watching Spanish and Thai movies or picking the Eurovision clips to pieces - highlights of the weekend. Swapping DVDs, travelling together - being dragged through teh outlet stores in Hawaii, or dragging him through the bars in Bangkok - giving me the only nick-name I've ever allowed , spoiling my dog with Cheezels and biscuit bones when he comes over for champagne cocktails- love him for all of it.
Now I know it desn't mean all of that is going to stop, but he emailed me at work yesterday to tell me his work is moving him the Sydney. 1,000 km away. I felt like someone close to me had died. Then I just wanted to abuse him for deserting me. Now I realise I'm just going to miss not having him around. Going to miss that terribly.