I’m just not a winter person. I’ve known that since childhood. I love the sun, and leaves on the trees, and the soft feel of the wind in spring and summer. I love being outside, doesn’t matter if it’s a clear blue sky with a blazing sun or a sky that’s black with a tropical storm, and maybe best of all a night sky with more stars than you thought there could ever be.
Not that I used to mind winter all that much, not as a child. I guess then you figure it’ll pass, that’s if you think about it at all. When you’re a kid you tend to take what’s there and just run with it. Somewhere along the line, when so much of the child has left forever and the responsibility of adulthood has you firmly in its grasp, you find you have to think about things more. And when that started happening to me,, then winter started to get to me, and each one was just a bit harder to get through than the last.
It got to the point my friends would joke about it, well, make it sound like they were joking, around late May “Guess we won’t be seeing or hearing from you for the next few months.” I’d just go into a kind of light hibernation, still functioning, but really at the lowest level necessary, go to work, do the shopping on the way home, then lock myself away from the world and the cold until I had to go to work the next day. They’re good friends, they’ve always been there waiting patiently till spring rolls round. Don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve that.
Well, last Sunday I realised it was the last weekend of winter, and what a weekend it was. I worked the Saturday, but both days were sunny and warm, the nights were almost balmy, the grass is green and the trees are in bud or blossom. The world is coming alive again, and I realised not just that I’d survived another winter, but that I hadn’t spent it all hiding away. I’d actually kept in touch with my friends – more than that, I’d seen them, I’d gone out, got drunk with them, dragged myself through the rain to go to the theatre, or the cold to go to dinner.
Part of it I know is finding out that I was not the only one to get depressed in winter, and there is even a name for it. What’s more, there are simple ways to deal with it, and they work. I was feeling really good about things for a while there on Sunday.
Monday I crashed. Low, real low. A lot of reasons why, I know them all and usually I can manage them. I just haven’t quite figured out what the trigger was that let it all get to me this time. It just wasn’t winter for once.
Work didn’t help. It wouldn’t. It is after all one of the depressing aspects of my life. But usually the people there get me over that – or though it. Problem is that after months at the same desks we’ve all been moved. Of the six seats at my station two are empty, two are part-timers, and the last one usually starts half-way through my shift. I am in other words, pretty much on my own most of the day, and that’s not what you need when you’re down in the dumps and could do with a little cheering up, or at least some distraction to stop the brooding.
And this is where we finally get to the whole point of this. How ridiculously easy it is for something – or someone – to drag you back up when you’re feeling down.
Thank God for M.
Firstly because you were there, and since you went part-time we haven’t really seen that much of each other. We’ve never really socialised, and for a long time now we’ve been seated apart at work. Having you nearby again has meant I’m discovering you all over, and I’m really liking that. Liking little things that have a huge effect, like finding out you like films I do that no-else cares for. Most importantly this week you put me onto reading something, something very personal and very raw, something I got totally hooked on and have spent most of the last two days reading. Something that took me totally away from what was getting me down. It sounds a bit cliched, but something that gave me a new perspective.
Now I don’t know if you knew just what you were doing. I wouldn’t be surprised. You’re pretty perceptive. But if you did know or if you didn’t, thanks anyway. Thanks for the gift, and thanks for being you. Thanks for dragging me by the bootstraps out of the downer I was in. And if you’re feeling embarrassed reading this . . . . Tough. No apologies.
See you next week.
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1 comment:
Whoever M is - I say, Kudos. :)
Spring has sprung as the old cliche goes, Winter is almost over, well we live in Melbourne so we know we have 3 more months of cold. I do believe there is a link between the weather and our own chi - and in some weather our chi behaves rather strangely, and we have to pay attention. Winter sometimes sap our warm extrovertedness, our sunny dispostitions and our ability to welcome companionship. But you know what? Winter goes sooner than later, and before you know it - Summer signals hello.
Thank you - :)
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